We're Backkkkk!!!

Almost four months old now. Baby Evvy. Or as my nephews like to say, Baby Ebby (which is far better than Baby EWY(double parenthesis here: remember some people thought my daughter's name was EWY because the double VV's can look like a W...moron alert!!))

I have not written in a while, because well, there seemed not much to write about. Baby Evvy was growing (90'th percentile in height, scoff if you will as I'm not in the 90th percentile however my Dad and all of his siblings could be on a black basketball team, well, blewish(black/jewish) and she was sleeping and she was feeding (on a breast so beautiful and big you might want to watch your step so as not to get pummeled by it) and she was just a, as my Mom might say, "delight" or "so lovely" or "not just cute, Matthew...(dot dot dot) beautiful."

Well, I don't know how to write about mediocrity and to be fair and honest, the last few months have been beautifully mediocre. NOT ANYMORE. My beautiful little daughter has, in the last few days, thrown some gray in my pelo (hair for the English readers.)

Meesh is on a friend date tonight. A girls night. Her new post-preg skinny jeans, a great top, with "well, do you like the wife-beater peaking out?" "yes, babe, it looks great." "So, Matty, there are bottles in the fridge and maybe tonight should be the first night we put her in her crib?" "Okay, great, Meesh." (thinking in my head "REALLY! TONIGHT, when you are out on the town sipping "totally great wine" and eating "great tapas"...tonight should be her crib inauguration?) I bite my lip...I'm tough...forgot though, that I was Jewish. (FOOTNOTE: IF YOU ARE JEWISH TRY NOT TO FORGET IT IN MOMENTS LIKE THIS. I CAN BARELY FIX A DOORKNOB LET ALONE PUT A BABY IN A NEW BED)

Needless to say, my beautiful daughter (so far her eyes are blue, dimple in her chin) became my worst (love her to pieces) nightmare (in a dreamy, having a tequila on the beach sort of way).

The teething screams, well, they are new. Like knives in chests or necks or eyes. In my life...(see, I'm saying parent expressions now) I never knew a sound like this. You want to all at once calm your baby and do anything for her and take a valium, shut the door and watch Housewives of New Jersey (even that noise can sound like Mozart in comparison)

I swaddled. I binkied. I bottled. I burped. I flipped her and reversed her (Missy Elliot Reference for those over 55 reading this).

And now I sit, writing this. Because now there is silence (and of course I am freaking out that the quiet means something bad...running to check, hang on...just checked, chest rising, nose expelling air!!! I'M FREEEEEEE!!! Go ahead Meesh, have your friend date, get dolled up, look beautiful. I PUT OUR CHILD TO SLEEP (after 2 hours) beat that, playa!!!!!