A baby this way comes

I am having a baby. My first. Well, let me clarify. I am NOT having the baby. My wife is. However this baby is my first...baby that I am not carrying but fathering. Is that right? Fathering? Sounds like it was a deal. It was not. We decided to get pregnant...oops a daisy...we decided that we wanted to have our first child and that Meesh would (fingers crossed) get pregnant. And she did. She got pregnant right around our first year wedding anniversary. She woke me up at 6 a.m. waving what I thought was a popsicle stick in my face. My first thought was "lady, get out my face." My second thought was "we have popsicles in the freezer?" When my eyes focused and my mind connected to what I was seeing I jumped out of bed. Freaking out. Excitedly freaking out. Overwhelmed with freak out. I asked first "should we frame it?" "It...?" my wife asked. "Yeah, the stick. The plus sign. Do we keep it?" I collect memories. Movie tickets. Notes from people. I have a box of wrist bands from concerts and waterparks and lame V.I.P rooms. So, why not a pregnancy stick? Meesh was quick to remind me that the stick was urinated on. This reminder after I grabbed it from her hand. I suppose, though, if I am adult enough to help make the stick a plus sign I can certainly get some sissy on my hands. (My mother taught us to pee in the toilet by saying "want to make a sissy?" I now use it for my dogs. Try it...something about the sound of the word just makes you want to, well, make a sissy.)

Alas alack (always wanted to use that expression) that stick was accurate. We were, are, indeed having a baby. Our first. Some months from now I will be someone's father. I will have fathered someone. I will, for the rest of time, be father to someone. Holy shit!!!!!!

I will be writing here to tell you all the tales of what it is like to be the one NOT carrying the child. The one dealing with the one who IS carrying the child. I feel much like I felt on semester abroad in Europe. I had never been to Europe so everything was so NEW. New enough to write every detail. You know when you are 20 and you do anything NEW...everything is so big in your mind. You see a fat drunk guy in an English pub and he is singing songs you've never heard and you are blown away and calling your parents to tell them and talking about fat drunk guy for weeks and referencing him to other backpackers on trains. I am not saying my wife is a fat drunk guy, on the contrary she is a beautiful brunette with a gorgeous baby bump...but yeah, I am feeling 20 and fat-drunk-guy-referency these days. You know you're in that space when you are around people who already have kids and you tell them things like "dude, she was so nauseous and tired the first three months." And those people just Laughhhh at you. Yes, AT YOU! They've been there and done that. They are thinking "ohhh you...look at you...so cute you are having your first..." Yep, I've realized that people with children look down on those having children. It reminds me of going to my Hasidic cousin's wedding (yes, I hugged the bride...NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT) but moreso I felt Catholic. My Judaism was nothing but a thang compared to their Hasidiasm. So it is, people having their first child must beware of sharing too much with those who already had the children.

Gotta go. Have to decide on everything for the next 25 years. Bye.