It is Friday night. Good Friday for those hunting for eggs. Passover for those substituting bread for brick, err, matzoh (I must admit us Jews have really stepped up our game, any average grocery store now sells Matzoh in a variety of flavors...I've become friends with the flax seed whole wheat matz...didn't know you could hit the toilet during this holiday? me neither. but now, you might want to eat whilst in the lieu...this matzoh beats the elestra infused WOW! chips of five years ago by an un-scrolled Torah mile) and who knocks on our door but 7 year old Shmoolie and one of his many siblings (remember, they multiply Gremlin style).
I was changing Evvy in her room but I could hear the voices. You never mistake a young Jewish voice. You can hear the afikomen hiding in the throat. Meesh answered the door and Shmoolie and his accomplice said "Where is Moishe (yep, they call me by my Hebrew name.) We need him for a minyan...now! right now!" (a minyan, for those of you not of our persuasion, is a grouping of 10 or more men who need to gather for certain Jewish prayers) I was the needed 10th. Meesh said "Oh...um...well, we have had a long day with the baby. And I need Matt tonight." Shmoolie, as per Shmoosual, said "We don't care...we need him!" Meesh got mad "Well, Shmoolie, I need my husband to help take care of our baby. And he is changing a diaper right now."
Shmoolie, defeated yet still delusional, said "we are disappointed, but tell him to come as soon as he can." Meesh has been sticking her nipples in a mouth for three weeks...they are sore...she is sore, tired and over it and she said "Ain't gonna happen, Shmool! Baruch Atah!" (yep, Meesh said Baruch Atah and she does not even know what it means however she did not want to say FUCK OFF so instead, she settled for anything Hebrew her brain could call up.)
If you are in a situation where you need to tell someone to FUCK OFF, just say BARUCH ATAH!
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