Blame It On The Belly

No wonder that Man from all the talk shows likes being pregnant. Who wouldn't want to be able to NOT BE ACCOUNTABLE for anything? Being preg is like a get out of jail free card. Yeah yeah...all the cliches - eat what you want, sleep when you want, get massages, be the center of attention, complain all the time or not complain all the time. When preg you can be annoying or not be annoying. Bitchy or not bitchy. My point is, it is the best VIP pass in the world. It is the EZ pass of physical living. Baby in belly means you can be or do anything and it's all good...you're pregnant. Men with vaginas really have a leg up on those of us with lame cock and balls.

I would love to get knocked up by Meesh. I know what you're about to snarkily say..."ohhhh reallyy???!! You want the swelling? the indigestion? the mood swings? the aches, pains and pelvic expansion?!" For jokes sake I would respond "Already got those things...I'm Jewish. Not just Jewish. I'm Ashkenaze (I don't know how to spell it and I don't know what the fuck it means)." But my real response would be "hells yeah...I'll take your aches, pains and tit growth and raise you some sensitive nipples." I would like to have an excuse for being a dick head to those that annoy me. Really. Truly. I want an excuse for it because as of now I don't have one.

Meesh can basically tell someone to shut the fuck up and eat shit and simply say "sorry, I'm pregnant." If I was preg I would ring up everyone I loathe and say things like "you suck ass bunghole fuck hole" and then i would get all cute and coy and pull my sleeves over my hands ala Jennifer Love Hewitt and other falsely-humble girls and say "I'm just wicked pregnant!"